We are all Broken Kintsugi Bowls
Looking at ourselves through the lens of being repairable
Over this Christmas period, one of my favourite people in the world said: “I’m broken.”
“We all are,” I replied. “We all carry our scars like the gold in the Kintsugi bowls.”
He couldn’t see that in our brokenness lies our strength, resilience and most importantly, our character. I don’t know about you, but if I go into Ikea and see perfect bowls, they are boring and soulless, they have no character, and no story to tell. They are dull, just like all the others. So it is with new housing estates and the latest fashion trends or even television newsreaders! They have no soul, nothing that makes me excited they exist. Give me unique, home-made or artist-fashioned anytime, none of this mass-produced stuff.
If we look at architecture from the past, buildings were made to last and had intricate carvings and details, now, they are streamlined with simple (boring) colours and like most things in modern society, are designed for planned obsolescence to create the greatest profit margins. Oh, but the cost of this to our souls!
Like my friend, so many of us aspire to perfection - in our appearance, behaving in a socially acceptable manner, having Hollywood-type relationships, high-status jobs, responsible finances, fancy homes with two kitchens (I ask myself WTF regularly about this)…but in our striving for that perfection, we lose something; we lose ourselves. We lose what’s unique and REAL about us and as a consequence, the world loses that too.
In hiding the scars, the mistakes, the broken relationships we miss the opportunity to build strength to know what we deserve, the job that lights us up, and the home that makes us feel like the walls are embracing us in a warm hug, whispering the secrets of the people who have lived there before. In hiding our scars and brokenness, we miss the opportunity to embrace those things that helped to make us what and who we are.
“…but in our striving for that perfection, we lose something, we lose ourselves.”
In the Japanese tradition, the Kintsugi is a philosophy of repair through using gold, silver, or platinum-dusted lacquer; the idea is that the object’s beauty comes in the repair. This celebrates something damaged that can still be stunning. And so we are. Our scars make us what we are. Our scars make us WHO we are.
Our brokenness gives us character but only if we are prepared to do the work to repair. If we decide that we will stay broken, that we are unfixable, we allow ourselves to fall into a victim mindset. A victim mindset keeps us stuck in a loop of repeating the same lesson over, and over again, never moving into repair and restoration.
The human spirit is resilient. People have survived some of the worst atrocities known to humanity and still pick themselves up to contribute to society, share their knowledge and wisdom with the world, love, and most importantly forgive themselves.
Although my friend will not read this, I hope that someone who does realises their brokenness is not unfixable. Find the gold-dusted lacquer that can help you piece yourself together; it might be a person, a mental health professional, or a hobby. Ask for support, ask for help, and most importantly remember that there are people who love you who want to be part of your scars and gouges. To know that there are people who love you BECAUSE of your scars and gouges because that’s what makes you who you are. And you’re beautiful, like a gold-kissed kintsugi bowl.
~ Alyssa
*As always, seek a professional if you need support in any aspect of your life.
